Killing With a Smile

It took awhile for the Gift House volunteers to figure out what these smiling snails do. They are little cups that you fill with beer and position in your garden to lure snails and slugs to their death. (In case you don't know, snails and slugs love beer but don't know how to swim in it.) If you look at that smile long enough, you'll see how depraved it really is.

Grandmother Scores Free Chopper

This handsome little motorbike was dropped off this week. As soon as it emerged from the back of a red pick up, three people swarmed around it --- hoping to land it. The winner was a tenacious grandmother Dottie, a gift house regular. She said, "It's mine!" with such vigor and determination, nobody wanted to argue with her. She claimed that she was getting it for her 18 grandkids, but . . . she looks pretty great on it, doesn't she?

Does a Hamster Need a Wheel?

Be busy, and you will be safe. Ovid, Remedia Amoris

Lots of empty animal cages and kennels come into the Gift House. There is a sense of finality to them. Always it’s the adults who bring them in, and set them down gently, gingerly, timidly. We stack the empty cages in a corner near the sporting equipment. To me, there is nothing more poignant than the sight of an empty hamster’s cage. It is almost hallowed ground, a pure space where a solitary creature worked and slept and kept busy – a strange slave to his wheel and bowl – and where he was the focus of bewilderment, a funny kind of adoration.

Last week, this lovely blue cage arrived. There was tape stuck on it with the words, "Say Hello to Lewey Everyday."

Free Boarding

There's a dry erase board in the Gift House. A few weeks ago somebody was looking for "a signed Mikel Jackson glove." The misspelled name added to the joke somehow. It was a great source of amusement, and then, mysteriously, the listing was erased! Had a glove been found?

Everybody Is Groucho

Somebody dumped a bag of Groucho Glasses at the Gift House this week. Before a minute had lapsed, everybody who was milling around the Gift House was wearing a pair.

Does anybody under 60 recognize the name Groucho Marx? Apparently it doesn't matter. The film comedian has left behind a legacy that is funny whether you have pre-existing knowledge of him or not. When you put on a pair of Groucho glasses -- with the massive plastic nose, bushy eyebrows and horrible mustache -- you become a comedian yourself. For a few minutes, anyway. Then everybody wishes you'd go back to your normal self.